Should I have any boundaries in my relationship?
Boundaries are one of the most fundamental issues that have to be dealt with in a relationship and yet often they are overlooked and most people actually think they are uncalled for. Do we really need them in relationships? We talk about relationships being about giving without holding back. So then where do these fit in?
I have noticed that once you give yourself and other people around you bounds, it becomes easier for you to relate to others without the feeling that they are being nosy or snooping in your business.
At some point in our lives we have all felt a certain need to fix other peoples problems without them asking for our help, in this case it becomes apparent then that we are overstepping our bounds.
- FRIENDSHIPMost times we feel obliged to help a friend who we feel needs our help. But we need to be careful that instead of helping we might actually be making things worse. If they ask you for your help, then you have been given the green light. If not, stand back and let your friends make their own choices and decisions, even when we feel we do not agree with their choices,after all it is their choice to make. And then there is the issue of friends with benefits. Isn't that crossing some boundary?
- MARRIED COUPLESShould there be any boundaries to what you do as a couple? The paradox of life is that there are just way too many paradoxes. We want it all and hence fail to realise what it is that we want.We make vows of how "what is mine will essentially be yours" and yet fail to live by those vows. We become all touchy and cranky when our spouses want to (not even go through)use our personalised items such as cellphones and laptops. So then is there some unwritten clause that excludes this from the "what is mine is yours list?"
- FAMILYAs parents it might be difficult to adjust to the idea that your little girl/boy is not so little any more. The changes that come with being teens will make those teens seek some privacy. The temptation to snoop around is quite big and as parents it is your duty to protect children from harm(actually being overprotective comes with the territory of being parents). Whilst you would want to know every tiny detail of their life, you need to give them a little bit of space. Who knows, they might even open up and tell you what is going on.
- CO-WORKERSWhat most people fail to realise is that just because you are colleagues, does not make you buddies. And more often your co-workers would want to know everything about you. Not because they care about you, but because then they can have something to talk about. There are those of course who are genuinely interested but the greater percentage of them well they do not really care. In short, stay out other people"s business. If it is work related great, if not well you are totally off topic.
- IN A RELATIONSHIPWhilst dating there is an overwhelming sense of needing to know everything that your partner is doing. Space is something you need to talk about in a relationship
In general these boundaries help one to know what kind of relationship exists. And they are also some physical limits that people adhere to. These might not be spoken about but you do notice say when someone is coming too close to you and you move away. That is actually a way of laying down the distance you want to maintain.
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